Update: The Turning Points Of Life

Sometimes when you’re standing at a turning point in life, it really helps to seek out answers to things that you don’t understand. There are times when seeking out answers may not help much. Such as why did a loved one have to die? In this situation about loosing my therapist, for me, seeking out answers has been crucial in helping me move on and hopefully to stop blaming people.

I think one of the keys to seeking out answers in situations like this is to wait until you’ve calmed down and are less emotional. Emotions can cloud judgments making it very difficult to understand other people’s view points.

I still don’t have all the answers as to why the doctor acted in the manner that she did, but I’m still seeking them out. I think I do understand what she meant by “Sometimes you have to take your therapists feelings into consideration”, after talking to one of Kara’s supervisors. Kara never told them that she felt she couldn’t work with me, but her supervisor asked her a more probing question. Did Kara think some of the things going on with the transference issue could stand in the way of my treatment? I think she was asking if Kara thought my feelings for her were beginning to distract me too much and I wasn’t focusing on getting better. Kara’s answer was yes, it was possible. I think that’s what the doctor meant.

There were other misunderstandings between Kara’s supervisors and me, but once again asking questions have been crucial. After I was able to think more clearly, what happened began to make more sense. I’ve even reluctantly begun to admit to myself that their decision was the right one. (Sometimes it seems like I’m just trying to convince myself of that so it won’t hurt so much.)

Even the male therapist I had been seeing agreed that my feelings for Kara were getting in the way of me moving forward in treatment. Even though transference is necessary for a good therapeutic relationship, sometimes it can get in the way of the client’s treatment and it’s time for a change.

I don’t like change. It’s a hard thing for me to adjust to. I like things to stay as they are, even when a change would be more beneficial for me. Everyone involved in my treatment were just trying to do what was best for me.

As for having one final session for closure, now I really don’t think there’s a need for it. One of Kara’s supervisors asked me what I hoped to gain from a final session other than to say good-bye. The more I thought about it, the more I didn’t know what was to be gained. Since this has happened, I’ve talked to Kara twice very briefly on the phone. I told her bye and thanks for everything she done for me. She wished me the best. I told her what my sister had said about me getting better while working with her. I could tell she appreciated that.

Yesterday I talked to one of Kara’s supervisors and told her some of the different ways Kara had helped me and how my life was better because of it. I think in telling her this, it helped me have even more closure.

I asked the supervisor if she had seen the 1997 movie “Good Will Hunting” starring Matt Damon and Robin Williams. She replied that she had. In the movie, Damon plays a troubled young man who finally begins to get the help he needs from a psychologist played by Robin Williams. Along the way, something else begins to happen. The doctor not only helps his client, but his client begins to help him, too.

I told the supervisor that I really hoped that in some way Kara had gained something from working with me as I had from working with her. I’m really going to miss her. I think she’s had such an impact on my life that she’ll always be somewhere in my thoughts and heart.

Thanks for all you done, Kara! I’m going to miss you!