The Turning Points Of Life
“We stood at the turning point.”
The above quote is taken from the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous chapter 5 called “How It Works. The first part of this chapter is read at the beginning of every AA meeting.
I’ve been thinking about that phrase a lot the past few days and how it applies to my life. In the Big Book, the phrase refers to the fact that alcoholics come to a point in their life where they have to choose whether they’re going to continue drinking or choose recovery.
Before I had my slip and drank again last October 3rd, I stood at a turning point. I had the choice of giving into my cravings or doing something like calling a friend or my therapist for support. I chose to drink.
Whether a person is an alcoholic or not, everyone stands at some kind of turning point every day. We all are faced with numerous decisions to make. When my dad died, I stood at a turning point. My entire world as I knew it changed in an instant. This change was completely out of my control, but yet there were decisions for me to make. How would I choose to handle his death so I could move on with my life?
Yesterday, I found myself at yet another turning point. I went to see my psychiatrist at the advice of my therapist, Kara. When I talked to her Saturday, I told her that I had been more depressed than usual and had even had some suicidal thoughts. When I seen the doctor yesterday, she didn’t even address the subject of my depression, much less my suicidal thinking. She informed me that it wasn’t in my best interest to continue seeing Kara and that I needed another therapist.
What was her reasoning behind this? For the past few months, I’ve been dealing with the issue of transference. That’s a very common occurrence in therapy when the client develops feelings for their therapist.
I’ve had a little trouble fully grasping the meaning of transference, but this definition from The Free Dictionary seems to make it more understandable: 1. The projection of attitudes, wishes, desires, libidinous and aggressive thoughts to another party, usually understood to mean to the psychoanalyst 2. An unconscious responsiveness that contributes to the Pt's confidence in a therapist and willingness to work cooperatively.
Since the first day I met Kara, I’ve been physically attracted to her. But when I met with her the first time after my slip, that’s when things began to change. During that session, she asked me some very probing questions. “What was I thinking before I drank?”, “What was I feeling?”, etc. Later that night, I noticed something was different when I thought about her. This emotional attraction I had begun to feel toward her was caused by the concern that she had for me. Yes, I realize that it was a professional concern, but I had an emotional need for it.
I think this is a part of a client/therapist relationship. As the above definition suggests, it’s even necessary to therapy. If the therapist is doing her job, and Kara was, she’s going to show concern for her client. And I needed that concern. I needed to know that she cared. I needed those probing questions. Therefore the emotional attachment. The transference occurred. How could it not?
Since this began, I’ve read numerous articles on it and talked to another therapist. He agreed with me that it was a good idea for me to work through it with Kara. (In fact, this same psychiatrist that took Kara off my case referred me to him.) I’ve talked to this male therapist several times about it and he’s always seemed to feel this way. I asked the doctor several times to consult with him before making her decision final. Each time she ignored me. She said sometimes you have to take the therapists feelings into consideration. Yes, I realize that. That’s why I’ve asked Kara more than once about her working with me and she’s never had a problem with it. I have yet to understand what feelings the doctor was really talking about.
The doctor also ignored the fact that therapeutic relationships aren’t supposed to just end like this. There should be at least one more session for closure. Perhaps in an odd way, that’s like a funeral when a loved one dies. You need that closure to help you grieve and begin the healing process.
After the appointment, I called Kara and discussed this with her. She had talked to her supervisor about my depression and suicidal ideation, but had said nothing about the transference issue. Yet, the doctor ignored my depression and totally focused on the other.
If a person has never been in therapy, they probably don’t understand the bond that a client experiences with his therapist. This bond is more than a physical attraction as I’ve tried to describe. I think in a way it’s kind of like the bond that occurs between two friends. They care for each other. It’s the therapist’s job to “care” for and help the client so he or she can get better and move on. Unlike friendship, this client/therapist bond isn’t meant to last a lifetime.
So it seems that once again, I “stand at the turning point”. It also appears to be totally out of my hands, but there are still choices for me to make. Such as: How will I choose to react to this situation? Will I choose to just give up and mope? No, I plan to take some kind of action. The doctor is wrong in the way she done this. As I said, I need some kind of closure. I have questions that I want answered.
In a way, I see this very similar to Daddy’s very sudden death. I don’t need this repeated less than three months later.
