Some Thoughts on Taking Life Too Seriously
Quite often it seems that I get so wrapped up in the details of something that I lose sight of what I'm really supposed to be doing. Take writing this post for instance. I am using Microsoft Word 2007 to write it and I'm completely new to the program. It's a lot different than the old one I was used to. So instead of focusing on getting this wrote, I get lost in trying to figure what all of this new stuff is about.
Another thing that hinders my writing is I get so involved in trying to make it just right. I spend too much time trying to research material for what I'm trying to write. After becoming so bogged down in searching through numerous websites, I can't focus on the real purpose of writing the post.
As the old saying goes "I can't see the forest for the trees". If someone can't see the [forest] for the trees, they are unable to understand what is important in a situation because they are giving too much attention to details . It's like a person walking in the woods and becoming so involved in specific facts that he fails to notice the beauty around him.
I do become much too worried about details to enjoy life sometimes. Oh yeah, I've been accused of taking life way too seriously.
I also take life much too literally at lot of times and my expectations can be too high of people and things. This can lead to a lot of problems because the higher the expectations, the more the hurt and disappointment when plans fall apart.
There was a time when I definitely was going to take a bike ride to my uncle's house that lived about 40 miles away. At least that was my plans and I didn't intend to let anything or anyone stop me. I trained hard, riding at every opportunity that I had. I constantly planned for the trip, determined to find the best way for me to carry the food, water, emergency supplies and other necessities I would need.
But as happens so often in life, things just don't turn out the way you expect them to. It seemed like a multitude of problems kept coming up. If it wasn't something wrong with my bike, then the weather wasn't cooperating.
Eventually, the perfect weekend came. All the problems with my bike seemed to be under control and the weather was wonderful. Not a cloud in the sky. A perfect day. I called my uncle's house and my cousin answered the phone. She said they would be glad for me to ride up that afternoon and spend the night. My plan was to leave the next morning. You can imagine the natural high I was beginning to get when those, what I call "feel good" chemicals, started to flood through my brain. I was finally going to make my long awaited trip. I had said nothing was going to stop me!
Then the next words my cousin told me was one of the loudest wake up calls I've ever had. At times I can still experience the emotions and dread that came next. She said her youngest daughter had the chicken pox. And since I'd never had it before, it was strongly recommended that I not be around her. I was told I was at risk of being sicker than she was.
Suddenly, it felt like my whole world was falling apart, it was just crumbling around me and there was nowhere left to stand. There was nothing I could do. It was entirely out of my control. Everything I had hoped and planned for was gone. This might sound funny now, but at the time this was a major crisis in my life.
Someone once said, “Hope for the best, but expect the worst.” I wish I could come up with a more positive saying, but this one is balanced. In life, every situation won’t turn out like you want it to. My mamaw used to say, “You have to take the bitter with the sweets.” Mamaw knew life wasn’t always fair. How fair can it be when you get Alzheimer’s and you gradually start forgetting the people you love?
The disappointments I’ve had so far in life, including the failed bike ride and hundreds more, are nothing compared to the disappointments a person has with Alzheimer’s.
That failed bike ride wasn't the end of the world. I did eventually take a ride very similar. It just didn't turn out like I had originally planned it. Besides that I've taken a lot of other enjoyable bike rides.
If I hadn't been so obsessed with things turning out just right, I could've enjoyed all the riding I done in preparation for that trip. But I just couldn't "see the forest for the trees." I wonder if the sweet parts of life would taste as good if we didn’t have to take the bitter parts with it? Would the blue sky be so beautiful without the dark thunderheads looming above?
The following quote was taken from a book that I read a while back. The author describes pretty much how I've felt during these periods of high expectations or hopes.
“He had hoped again. It felt good. Exhilarating. Of course that was why hope was dangerous. The glorious lifting up, the sweet sense of soaring, always too brief, and then the terrible fall that was more devastating because of the sublime heights from which it began.
“But maybe it was worse never to hope at all.
“He was filled with wonder and quickening expectations.
“He was scared, too.” ~ Dean Koontz “Sole Survivor”
I believe the author is right, “But maybe it was worse never to hope at all.” There has to be hope doesn’t there? If there’s no kind of hope at all where is the enjoyment in life? Where is the reason for living?
After weeks or months of being afraid to even hope to ride my bike, I finally began to look forward to it again. But I was fearful to become too excited about it. The big letdown was still too fresh in my mind. “…and then the terrible fall that was more devastating because of the sublime heights from which it began.” Believe me, this fall is terrible and it’s a deep emotional hurt.
Someone once said that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I’m using the word “love” in a general sense here. The love of riding a bike, the love of a hobby, the love between a man and a woman.
Sometimes I wonder about that when there is the pain of expectations gone wrong. I wish sometimes these memories could be wiped from my mind, just like the experience never happened. When I think of this, I’m reminded of an episode of the original Star Trek series. Captain Kirk fell in love with a woman when he touched her tears. When the tears entered his system, Kirk was helplessly lost. Until his best friend Spock placed his fingers on the side of Kirk’s face while he slept and whispered “forget”.
But wasn’t that a loss for Kirk? If the memories are erased, not only the pain would be gone, but also the pleasurable moments as well. Would it ultimately be beneficial to forget the pain of a lost love? To forget the pain means forgetting what went wrong. Forgetting what went wrong means never learning a lesson from the mistakes that were made. And that means repeating the same mistakes over.
Wouldn’t it be better to keep the memories and learn from them? I think the greater the pain a person experiences, the bigger the impact of a lesson learned. You’re more likely to remember it later and apply what you learned to your situation in the present. If you find yourself in similar circumstances you’ll be able to look back and see a clearer picture of what you done wrong in the past and hopefully change the outcome of what’s happening now. Where you failed in one situation, you have the possibility to succeed in a similar one.
Mistakes and failures can be looked upon as a mentor who helps teach you life’s lessons. Perhaps we shouldn’t fear failure as much as we do. I don’t mean we should purposely fail, but accept them as lessons to learn.
