Facing The New Year With Apprehension... And Reason To Be More Grateful

I always approach the New Year with apprehension. The reason for this fear comes from wondering about the future and what it holds. For me, thinking about the unknown can be scary.

Without much doubt, I'm not the only one who feels this way. Just think about the millions of dollars of anti-anxiety medicine that's sold each year and the untold number of hours that people spend with their therapists. Not to mention all the alcohol and illegal and prescription drugs that are abused by people trying to escape their fear.

The problem with trying to escape the fears of the unknown future with drugs and alcohol is that it does nothing to help you deal with any of it. When you sober up, those problems are still there and are probably much worse because of the self-medication. In fact, for the addict/alcoholic the reason for fearing the future in the first place is made more real.

The movie "It's A Wonderful Life" comes to mind while I think about this. In that movie, George Baily got to see what life would've been like if he had never been born. I like to play what if a lot. One "what if" is: What if I had been drunk the day my dad had died? What if I had been unable to talk to him several times on the phone that day? What if I had been drunk when the nurse told me he had no vital signs? In fact, if I had been drunk, I never would've answered my phone to begin with. If it bothers me now that I didn't have the chance to be with him when he died, how much more would it be bothering me if I had been unable to be at the hospital with my sister when the doctor pronounced him dead?

I could play this out further. What if I didn't have the memories of talking to him on the phone? Or worse yet, what if I had answered the phone one of those times when he called and I was drunk? That happened several years ago when Mother was still living and I remember how upset my dad got and how it broke my mother's heart.

If I had been drunk that day, not only would I really have had a reason to regret the past, I would fear the future more than I already do. Every time someone close to me dies, I realize how short my own life is. I would have more reason to fear the consequences of continuing in my addiction.

This pretending what if can sometimes be the cause of unnecessary fear and anxiety. On the other hand, it can sometimes be the cause of looking at life a little differently and being more grateful.