The Turning Points Of Life

“We stood at the turning point.”

The above quote is taken from the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous chapter 5 called “How It Works. The first part of this chapter is read at the beginning of every AA meeting.

I’ve been thinking about that phrase a lot the past few days and how it applies to my life. In the Big Book, the phrase refers to the fact that alcoholics come to a point in their life where they have to choose whether they’re going to continue drinking or choose recovery.

Before I had my slip and drank again last October 3rd, I stood at a turning point. I had the choice of giving into my cravings or doing something like calling a friend or my therapist for support. I chose to drink.

Whether a person is an alcoholic or not, everyone stands at some kind of turning point every day. We all are faced with numerous decisions to make. When my dad died, I stood at a turning point. My entire world as I knew it changed in an instant. This change was completely out of my control, but yet there were decisions for me to make. How would I choose to handle his death so I could move on with my life?

It Takes More Than Time To Heal A Wound

Some of my readers may have noticed that I like to include quotes in some of my posts. I also have some of my favorite quotes listed toward the bottom of my blog. In addition to collecting quotes, I also like to collect old sayings and when I can, find the original meaning behind them.

For instance:

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on, hence the phrase "Goodnight, sleep tight."

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "Mind your P's and Q's."

When I was a child, one of my mother’s brothers asked me once if I had been “minding my P’s and Q’s.” I had no idea what he meant!

There’s another saying that I hear a lot. “Time heals all wounds.” Those sound like comforting words, especially in times of grief, but just think about that saying for a moment. Does time really heal all wounds?

Having Fun Without Drinking

I received my 3rd month AA chip last night. Monday was 3 months since I had a drink. Three months without having to suffer an emotional hangover with all the guilt. Last night during the meeting, I found myself once again thinking what if I hadn't drank. I would have almost two years. As I said before, sometimes "what if" thinking can be dangerous for addicts. It can lead to regrets and that can lead to another slip. Time to change my thinking!

I owe a lot of my success of not drinking to my friends in AA. Especially Calvin. There's hardly a day that goes by without him calling to check on me. He's always willing to help any way he can.

You ever wonder how a bunch of alcoholics can have fun on New Year's Eve without getting drunk? They get together and play cards for five hours! That's what several of us done that night at Calvin and Sherri's house. Just a friendly game of cards with low stakes. We had lots of fun!

Some Thoughts on Taking Life Too Seriously

Quite often it seems that I get so wrapped up in the details of something that I lose sight of what I'm really supposed to be doing. Take writing this post for instance. I am using Microsoft Word 2007 to write it and I'm completely new to the program. It's a lot different than the old one I was used to. So instead of focusing on getting this wrote, I get lost in trying to figure what all of this new stuff is about.

Another thing that hinders my writing is I get so involved in trying to make it just right. I spend too much time trying to research material for what I'm trying to write. After becoming so bogged down in searching through numerous websites, I can't focus on the real purpose of writing the post.

As the old saying goes "I can't see the forest for the trees". If someone can't see the [forest] for the trees, they are unable to understand what is important in a situation because they are giving too much attention to details . It's like a person walking in the woods and becoming so involved in specific facts that he fails to notice the beauty around him.

I do become much too worried about details to enjoy life sometimes. Oh yeah, I've been accused of taking life way too seriously.

Facing The New Year With Apprehension... And Reason To Be More Grateful

I always approach the New Year with apprehension. The reason for this fear comes from wondering about the future and what it holds. For me, thinking about the unknown can be scary.

Without much doubt, I'm not the only one who feels this way. Just think about the millions of dollars of anti-anxiety medicine that's sold each year and the untold number of hours that people spend with their therapists. Not to mention all the alcohol and illegal and prescription drugs that are abused by people trying to escape their fear.

The problem with trying to escape the fears of the unknown future with drugs and alcohol is that it does nothing to help you deal with any of it. When you sober up, those problems are still there and are probably much worse because of the self-medication. In fact, for the addict/alcoholic the reason for fearing the future in the first place is made more real.

The movie "It's A Wonderful Life" comes to mind while I think about this. In that movie, George Baily got to see what life would've been like if he had never been born. I like to play what if a lot. One "what if" is: What if I had been drunk the day my dad had died? What if I had been unable to talk to him several times on the phone that day? What if I had been drunk when the nurse told me he had no vital signs? In fact, if I had been drunk, I never would've answered my phone to begin with. If it bothers me now that I didn't have the chance to be with him when he died, how much more would it be bothering me if I had been unable to be at the hospital with my sister when the doctor pronounced him dead?

I could play this out further. What if I didn't have the memories of talking to him on the phone? Or worse yet, what if I had answered the phone one of those times when he called and I was drunk? That happened several years ago when Mother was still living and I remember how upset my dad got and how it broke my mother's heart.

If I had been drunk that day, not only would I really have had a reason to regret the past, I would fear the future more than I already do. Every time someone close to me dies, I realize how short my own life is. I would have more reason to fear the consequences of continuing in my addiction.

This pretending what if can sometimes be the cause of unnecessary fear and anxiety. On the other hand, it can sometimes be the cause of looking at life a little differently and being more grateful.