Peace On Earth In Our Family This Christmas

I have been offline for the past few months and as a result haven't updated my blog. I want to thank all of my visitors who have been here during that time. There have been several people in the various blog communities I'm a member of post comments, request friendship, etc. and I'm behind on answering those. Thanks to all of you and I'll get to those soon.

Today would've been my parents 51st wedding anniversary. I sure miss them, especially here at Christmas time.

One of the things I miss since they have passed away is our family Christmas Eve party. That was a special time for Mother and a family tradition she started. We would have sandwiches, chips & dip, and a few of her delicious pies. Then we would exchange some of our presents. You'll have to forgive me - I'm having one of those "warm, fuzzy" moments right now.

This was one of the topics my sister and I discussed when she called earlier today. We hadn't talked in several days because our off and on relationship was in the "off" mode due to a difference of opinion. She called because of Mom and Dad's anniversary. I'm glad she did; I had intended to call her.

Another topic my sister and I discussed were the deaths of two of our aunts last week. The first one was Dad's sister-in-law & the other was Mother's sister-in-law. My heart goes out to our families. Death is difficult, especially at Christmas time when all the family have hopes of being together.

These two deaths reminded me that my sister and I are the last of our family. I can remember how lonely Daddy was at times after all of his brothers and sisters were gone and especially after Mother passed away.

My sister and I won't be together this Christmas, but will be spending it with other family and friends. We'll be having our family gathering the first of the year when my niece and nephew will be here. But because we were willing to put aside our differences, we don't have to feel so alone either. We still have each other and that's the most important thing whether we're together or not.

I'm glad we have "Peace On Earth" in our family again and I truly hope you have it in your family this Christmas and the coming New Year.

"I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day"

(Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882), 1867)

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

Till, ringing singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

The Important Things In Life

It's been a little over two months since I've posted and the only excuse that I can really give is that I've let other things get in the way of taking care of my blog. Despite this, there have been several who have been coming here and I do appreciate that. That has been an encouragement to start writing again.

It's been six months today since Daddy died and I thought this would be a good time to start posting again. It just doesn't seem like it's been that long. Six months ago was also a Friday and it's almost like I'm reliving it all over again.

I can still remember very vividly talking to Daddy several times that day on the phone. At least two or three of the conversations were about the bank accidentally putting his check into my account and me telling him I was on the way to straighten it out. I was surprised, but glad, he didn't get upset about it. His attitude then was like "Oh well, things like that happen".

This August 17th will be seven years since Mother passed away and it doesn't seem like it's been that long either.

I'm so glad that I still have my family: My sister & brother-in-law, my niece & her family and my nephew. I'm so glad that I still have my AA family and friends.

I'm glad that we had our mother and daddy as long as we did. I'm glad that we still have their memories to cherish.

I'm also glad that I still have my sobriety. Without that, I wouldn't be able to enjoy all that life has to offer.

For me, there's nothing more important than that.

It Takes More Than Time To Heal A Wound

Some of my readers may have noticed that I like to include quotes in some of my posts. I also have some of my favorite quotes listed toward the bottom of my blog. In addition to collecting quotes, I also like to collect old sayings and when I can, find the original meaning behind them.

For instance:

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on, hence the phrase "Goodnight, sleep tight."

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "Mind your P's and Q's."

When I was a child, one of my mother’s brothers asked me once if I had been “minding my P’s and Q’s.” I had no idea what he meant!

There’s another saying that I hear a lot. “Time heals all wounds.” Those sound like comforting words, especially in times of grief, but just think about that saying for a moment. Does time really heal all wounds?

Different Relationships; Different Emotions And Thoughts

I have cried an untold of amount of tears over the loss of my mother. Just the other day I was downloading some of her favorite Southern Gospel music and a flood of emotions washed over me. I haven’t cried like that for her in quite some time.

As I was experiencing these strong feelings for her, I noticed something else. It seemed like I was grieving more for Mother than I was for Daddy. It just felt different. Last night, I began thinking again about the differences in the relationships that I had with each one.

Mother was passive, tender, sensitive and a worrier. Daddy was aggressive, domineering and sensitive in a way that was different from Mother. What I mean is, is if someone done or said something he didn’t like, he would want to get back at them. At least he was like this earlier in life when Mother was still living. Actually, Daddy would go through phases. Sometimes he was like this and sometimes not. Even living in the nursing home he would have these spells.

As I’ve mentioned before, Daddy suffered from Bipolar Disorder. But does that give a person an excuse to physically and verbally abuse people? Well, maybe an excuse but not a right. Should I look at it like there were times in his life when he couldn’t help it? Such as when we were children?

My sister and I looked at this differently. At least for a while. I seen it as something that I deserved, but later I began to think about it in a different way.

Apparently, later in life, Daddy didn’t think we deserved it either. He cried a lot over it and asked our forgiveness. I said I forgave him, but deep down I don’t think I did. I know at least one time I just spoke the words without any meaning. They just seemed the right thing to say given the frame of mind he was in. Now that he’s gone, sometimes it seems like it’s easier to forgive him. It would be better if I could forgive him now. It would help me cope with and heal from the grief.

To me, that seems selfish. Just wanting to forgive Daddy for my benefit. As I write this, I’m struggling with my emotions and thoughts.

I don’t even know if I truly loved my parents. At the end of every visit to their house, I would hug Mother bye and kiss her. She would always say, “I love you.” I would just turn away and walk out the door. I know this sounds like I was cold and perhaps I was, but telling Mother that I loved her would feel like a lie.

I believe “love” is more than an emotion. It’s more than just a “warm, fuzzy feeling” you have toward someone. As the country singer Clint Black says, “Love isn’t something that we are, it’s something that we do”. I believe when you love someone, you give part of yourself to that person. I’m not talking just about romantic love. I’m also talking about giving yourself to or doing things for your parents, siblings, friends or even complete strangers.
When I done things for my parents, it wasn’t out of love. It was more out of duty or because I felt I had to do it. A large part of the time when Mother would ask me to do something, I would raise h*ll about it. What grief I gave her!

Later, I did start tell Mother that I loved her. Once again, this was more out of duty. I began asking myself, “What if something happened to one of us and I didn’t tell Mother that I loved her?”

After Mother died, Daddy’s personality seemed to change somewhat. Especially after he went in the nursing home, there were times when he became passive and more dependent. More like Mother was. I would lose my temper with him. The only good thing that I can think of now is that somehow I learned to be more patient with him.

Right now, my heart cries out in opposition to what I done back then.

I know there are people, such as my mother, who would disagree with what I’ve said about not loving my parents. But this is just the way I personally see it.