Entangled In The Web Of Addiction
Spiders have more than one way to trap their prey, but the best method is their web. One of the functions of a web is to trap the prey by entangling it or sticking to it.
A few years ago I was bicycling down a country road when I noticed a spider’s web like the one pictured. As I rode, I thought about two things: The beauty and intricacy of it’s design & what I would’ve felt like if I had rode into it. I’ve gotten spider’s webs on me before and I know that time would’ve aggravated me, to say the least. I would’ve been swiping my face and every where else trying to get that sticky mess off me.
I can only imagine what a fly feels like to be trapped in a web and to see the spider approaching. Struggling frantically, to no avail, to free itself. For the fly, death is literally knocking at the door.
This is exactly what happens with addiction. An addict becomes entangled in its sticky web. Except in the early stages of addiction, the addict doesn’t struggle. He doesn’t want out of his addiction. As far as he is concerned, the addiction has too much to offer him. It gives him too much pleasure. In fact, because of denial, he doesn’t even realize that addiction has spun its sticky web. By the time the addiction has caused him enough pain to want out, it’s too late. The addict is trapped and the more he struggles, the harder it is to get out. For the addict death is literally knocking at the door.
Family and friends can try to persuade him to seek help, but until the addict makes the decision himself, he will continue being trapped.
I recall the first time that a nurse told me I was a binge drinker. I was infuriated at the thought! Binge drinking is what college students do and I was 40 years old. Besides, I didn’t have a drinking problem. Nope! Not me! What I was doing was completely normal.
Deep down inside though, I knew something wasn’t right. Why did I feel so guilty about going to the store to buy a bottle? Why was I worried about what the saleslady was thinking? But to hear someone openly tell me that I had a drinking problem was a whole different matter. I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t accept it. I was in denial. Alcoholism already had me entangled in its sticky web and I certainly didn’t want any help getting out. Death was knocking at my door and I didn’t want any help escaping it.
During part of this time I was attending a mental health program for individual and group therapy. Part of this therapy was seeing an addiction counselor. Part of treatment included going to A.A. meetings.
I’ve heard it said in a lot of A.A. meetings that an alcoholic or addict has to hit rock bottom before they are willing to stop drinking or drugging and begin the climb up. For each person, the “bottom” is different. For some it can be when their family threatens to leave them. It could come when the doctor tells them they have a serious medical condition brought on by their drinking. Some lose their jobs before deciding to stop. Some may decide to stop when they are arrested for driving under the influence. And yet, for some, it takes a harder bottom than these for them to stop. Some people can lose everything and are still entangled in the web of addiction.
For me, my bottom came due to the intense guilt I was experiencing brought on by my drinking. Oh yes, it felt so good to be under the influence of alcohol, but the guilt was eating me alive. Finally and reluctantly, I gradually stopped drinking.
Eventually, I started going to meetings on my own, outside the treatment program. In particular, I started going to meetings that Calvin and Sherri have at their house. I begin to realize that the people there really cared about me. If I was willing to help myself, they would do what they could to help me. They eagerly gave me their phone numbers; telling me to call them any time day or night when I felt like drinking. Or if I had any other problem for that matter.
Little by little as I listened to these people talk and thinking about my own drinking habits, I began to accept that I just might have a problem. Notice that I said “might”. Denial still had me partially trapped in the web, although I wasn’t drinking. My O.C.D also added to my questioning my problem.
I continued going to meetings and I didn’t drink for over a year before I allowed the web of alcoholism to trap me again. But compared to my past drinking, it was short lived.
Notice that I said “allowed”. We drink and use drugs for one simple reason. We choose to. We can also choose to stop. The spider’s web can only hold us if we are willing to stay trapped. When we admit that we need help, then we are ready to take certain step to become untangled.
